In an episode of “Modern Family,” Phil uses his wife’s day spa pass and has a chance to chat with a bunch of ladies who are getting facials, manicures & some other beauty treatments. In this scene, the women “school” Phil to not offer advice to his wife, instead he should only listen and give her emotional support. The photo is linked to copy of the video, click on it and have a listen. As funny as this show is and as much as I enjoy it, Phil is the poster child for the modern Western Wuss of a Man.
Some time ago I had a similar epiphany about Eastern European Women’s mindsets as Alana “schooled” me on the “proper” roles of Women and Men. We had some quarrel a few hours earlier and she was a bit upset with me. I tried my best to reason with her using logic (as Men often do) and she didn’t want to hear it because she was feeling emotional (as Women often are). Later, as we talked in a less agitated state, I asked her why was she so mad, I was talking to her using sound logic and it just made her madder. Her response shocked me.
And it should. I was raised a feminist having lived my whole life in a country that advocates for and brainwashes men, women and children into thinking that the feminist mindset is the correct and proper way of thinking. When I repeated to Alana that she did not respond to my calm and intellectual arguments, she asked me, “When your child becomes angry or is ‘acting out,’ do you try to reason with it? No, you tell it to calm down and after it has passed out of its emotional state, then you reason with it.”
Sometimes, I want a beer and I want her to get me one. If I had an American girlfriend, I wouldn’t think of asking lest I get some diatribe of “why don’t you get it yourself” flak. I almost cringe out of fear that Alana will say something similar as I (almost sheepishly) say, “Dear, get me a beer will you?” She brings it right over, smiles, says “my pleasure” and hands it to me with a kiss. I find, daily, that Alan’s happiness is tied to how happy I am. She gets a lot of pleasure from making me happy and I find that I am always looking for little things to do for her to make her happy. I would have to say that my relationship with a Russian Woman is give give whereas most relationships I’ve ever had with American Women were based on everyone measuring fairness. “I got the beer last time, its your turn this time.”
It really is hard to describe in words, on a blog but the men that have Eastern European Women know exactly what I’m talking about. I suppose that a lot of it is the societal peer pressure that American Women get from so much feminist thought that if they fetch their man a beer that somehow they are less of a woman in this subservient role. Eastern European Women are happy to be in a “beta” role – for them it is natural and there is no
If you read this and you are shocked, well, like me, you are probably a feminist. Eastern European Women want, and expect a man, who will act as head of household. A man who acts like the Captain of a military unit. He doesn’t negotiate, he dictates and those in his unit (family) comply. Anything less and the Women here look at you as though you are not a strong man. They expect a Man who leads and is decisive. Most Western women like a strong & decisive man, but only so far as they get what they want.
Every time I act like a man from the 1950’s I cringe a bit thinking that Alana will explode at me. And this is because I’ve been programmed to think like a feminist. I’ve endured years of having this reply from Western girlfriends. It is taking some getting used to, but once you learn to assume the role of a man in a traditional (old fashioned) relationship, you find a rewarding comfort in it. When I think back to past relationships with American women I can’t even believe I put up with 10% of the crap that they dished out.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a hundred times more. If you’ve never been to Eastern Europe, I suggest you make it your next vacation destination.
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