I recently came across an article titled “Why Nice Guys Finish Last.” It piqued my curiosity and I gave it a read. It wasn’t quite what I expected: I thought that it would be more of a social writing about how (literally) nice guys finish last. But in reality, it is more of a business model and it suggests that nice guys finish last in business; be a “hard guy” and you’ll do better in business.
The article starts off telling the story of how a nice gentleman and an old granny are waiting in line to buy Powerball Lottery tickets and the “gentleman” lets the cranny take his spot in line. The granny wins millions and the story suggests that by “being the nice guy” the man lost his chance for millions. In reality, random numbers are generated from second to second and if the man had kept his place in line, it is unlikely that he would have drawn the winning number. But it makes for a nice story.
As the tone of the article is business related, the author gives 5 reasons how “nice guys” in business finish last:
1. Settling for sub-par employees.
2. Conceding too quickly.
3. Not being stubborn enough.
4. Feelings of guilt.
5. Not seizing the lead.
The first “nice guy” trait suggests that small business owners doom themselves in business by settling for poor employees, often because of feelings of friendship. The article suggests cutting poor employees and taking on good employees. The second point suggests that business people try to “play fair’ rather than try to win; business leaders like Bill Gates don’t concede until they have the deal that they want. The third point says that men who are stubborn earn 18% more $ than men who aren’t. The fourth point, like the first point says that feelings of guilt prevent employers from letting weak employees go and it costs them in the long run ($). The last point addresses that many small businesses run their business like a democracy and in the end they get walked on; the article suggests that you must run your business like a football team and you must act like the quarterback or coach.
Overall, I have to agree with all of these points – from a business standpoint. But what if we take these rules and apply them to dating? Feminism teaches us that we must have “equality” in relationships – this, despite our natural drive to take our proper place in nature. If man is supposed to lead, this role has been subverted by our common Western Society. I am often asked of other men, “How do I assume the role of a traditional “Alpha” male?” Or, “What should I do to be the leader in my family/relationship or while dating?” Have a look at this article and replace all of the business references to male & female relationships – I think that a good argument can be made that a strong man in a relationship has a lot in common with a strong business leader.
I’ve take then article (almost verbatim) and reproduced it below – the exception is that I replace business owners with ‘men’ and employees with ‘women.’ Now, before I get any (more) hate mail, I’m not saying that women should be like employees in a relationship. What I am saying is that there is a huge gap in positive role models for strong men in our society – I believe that this article can serve a useful purpose to that end:
1. Settling for a sub-par mate. Men need to be aggressive in searching, finding and dating the best woman. A marriage is only as strong as its players, and this part of the relationship game is not for the faint of heart. No matter what state our society is in, there is always a lot of competition for the best women. It is critical that dating be part of the man’s personal mission—it should never be delegated entirely. Screen women passionately (with attention to detail and effort), relentlessly and always be willing to “give more than the other guy.” Fighting to win the battle for the best woman is a key requirement to building a good relationship.
2. Conceding too quickly. The most successful entrepreneurs are fierce competitors. Channel Steve Jobs, Donald Trump, Bill Gates and Larry Ellison. They compete honestly, but intensely. They never give up and play to win. Successful men think their fair share of the marketplace (dating pool) is 100 percent. They want every woman and are unwilling to concede anything to a fellow competitor.
3. Not being stubborn enough. Studies suggest that men who are “below average on agreeableness earn roughly 18 percent more than men who are considered nice.” Statistically, rude people get more of what they want. When you first start dating, forget about negotiating for a win-win. Set minimum and maximum goals. Aggressively pursue the maximum goal and never quit unless the minimum one is achieved.
4. Feelings of guilt. The man has to be merciless in dumping women who don’t fit his life goals. Too many men allow women who are not a good match to linger, and this ends up hurting both. The “nice guy” behavior of letting them hang on benefits no one since the man is prevented from finding his perfect match. Never hesitate. Give the appropriate amount of politeness and cut them loose even if there is no immediate replacement. This goes for women who have shown dishonest behavior. Practice a zero tolerance policy of “one strike and you’re out.”
5. Not seizing the lead. A relationship is never run like a democracy. Some may even call its structure a benevolent dictatorship. While the man should solicit ideas and feedback from his wife or girlfriend, there is only one vote that really counts. Majority doesn’t rule in a relationship. Women will follow a leader who shows confidence and commitment.
In relationships, men who are always nice guys can finish last. Remember that the next time you let someone cut in front of you at the supermarket.
Alana told me a story recently and as I compared it to the relationship between my mother and father, I can clearly see the difference in a society that embraces feminism and one that does not. Alana’s Father announced to the family that they would get up early on Saturday morning and go to do some work. Everyone whined and complained so Father called for a vote. The whole family, except father voted against the early morning. And then Father declared, “So, it is settled. We will get up early on Saturday.” Alana complained, “Dad, that’s not fair, we voted.” Her Father replied, “Don’t ever let it be said that we don’t have representation in this family. We do. I listened to your votes and then I made a decision. This isn’t a democracy after all.”
And so, they all got up on Saturday morning. Dad is the Captain and the team follows the captain.
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