Being the devilishly handsome rogue I am, I often get asked questions about my marital status, and inevitably the topic turns into an attempted setup. It’s always nice to have a few witty lines as backup, as humor can diffuse a tight situation. Some of these things are what I -wanted- to say, but depending on my relationship with the person/flow of the conversation I can usually slip one of these in like a shiv in the heart of my archnemises.
Why aren’t you looking to find a (read: my) girl in America?
- -Why aren’t they thin?
- -Why don’t I just flip a coin right now and on heads mail 60% of my stuff to my least favorite person? (divorce reference)
- -Women here are too masculine, and I’m not gay.
- -Tell me, how many euphorically happy couples do you know?
- -I don’t invest in depreciating assets. (a classic)
- -I can marry any woman I please, I just can’t please any of them!
- -Have you SEEN the selection in Walmart? Not even if they were on clearance.
- -The good girls have already found men, all the rest have married…to their careers.
- -I can’t find one that can afford me.
Why look for love in [Eastern Europe]?
- -It just so happens that I LOVE borscht.
- -I just don’t see any other way to save on Russian lessons.
- -It’s not mail-order any more, they use e-mail.
- -It’s not e-mail they use, they’ve finally got the 3-D printers at full functionality. (for my more tech-savy clients).
- -It’s a conspiracy on the part of Russia to invade our country using beautiful, feminine women and overthrow capitalism. Help!
- -Did you see the 18 y/o in front of you who just told me that the generation under her was going to pot? Yeah, the one with a nose piercing, lip rings, arm tats and the name of some guy inscribed on her left boob. That could have something to do with it. (True story)
The use of copyrighted material in this website is protected by the Fair Use Clause of the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, which allows for the sharing of copyrighted materials for the purposes of commentary, criticism and education. All shared material will be attributed to its owner and a link provided when available. All other stories, posts, reports, photos, videos and content on this site is copyright protected and is the property of the Western Women Suck blogpage, all rights reserved.