It is easy for me to forget that the decrease in the marriage rate affects women as equally as men. Recently I discovered a young lady going by Aunt Haley writes a blog about the singleness of the Christian youth of today. It’s fascinating (to me anyways) to read the opinion of someone across the gender divide, especially when they come to the correct conclusion that women are too picky.
“The “quest for the Earl of Piety” is really just (my fanciful) name for Christian hypergamy, which in my opinion is the culprit of many Christian women remaining single unnecessarily long. As much as the manosphere likes to complain that even church girls are OMGSLUTS!111!!1!! (and I’m not denying that there aren’t a bunch of those out there), there are also a lot of Christian girls who (typically) have grown up in the church, taken all of the teachings about virginity and purity to heart, and have never fallen off the wagon, so to speak. They want to be wives, they want to be mothers, they want to serve God, they’re serious about ministry and having quiet times…and they can’t find a Christian man who’s good enough for them.”
It would seem, according to Aunt Haley, that chronically single cheese-weasles in “the Church” (that is, most women) are looking for the Earl of Piety. Essentially they want my aforementioned fictional character, Studly McSixpack, but also want him to be more spiritually driven than they are. I have known two such men in my life, and both of those were married within 6 months of high school graduation. The rest of the men are simply not worthy of such time and can be rationally (hamsterized) dismissed by the logic of I Kissed Dating Goodbye. IKDG urges Christians not to date, but to form bonds through group interactions and other beta shenanigans.
Of course, young men are young men. During their early 20s they have life other than church and are mostly focused on attaining higher education and starting a career. Unless they are majoring in theology, religion is generally not the first thing on their minds.
The truth is that many Christian women, if they want to marry a man to whom they are attracted, may have to settle for a man who is not as “spiritually advanced” as she is. Just look at the male-female ratios in many churches, and look at the pickings. The ratio is not advantageous to women, especially the ones who aren’t drop-dead gorgeous, or at least reasonably cute and perky and have that future-youth-pastor-wife personality…
…but I’ve seen a lot of guys – guys who are good at heart – go through a wilder phase in their 20s and then come back to the fold after they got married. It’s why so often, writing off an otherwise attractive man for “insufficient spirituality” in the hopes of snagging the Earl of Piety is such a fool’s mission for the average Christian woman.
This goes back to Monday’s article about SMV over time. It might actually be good for the men to not be attractive to these fickle women so that they may gain experience in how the world works. Haley seems to have been around the block a few times.
I think it would be beneficial for single women to frame [relationships they want to have] rather as “can I share HIS vision?”. Because ultimately, that’s what you’re signing up for in a marriage, Christian or not. You’re signing up to be this guy’s first officer (to use an Athol-ism), or to be the COO to his CEO, however you want to put it – the point of you is not to set a goal and wait for him to meet it, but to look at his goals and see if you can be a part of them. Women who are waiting for a man who can meet their lofty standards are usually destined to wait a loooooongg time.
Like it’s straight out of the friggin’ Book of Ruth. Haley certainly seems to have her act together, although it seems she figured it out a little too late. This still puts her light years ahead of other Western woman, and it will be interesting to find out if she eventually does find a spouse.
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