Today’s post is in response to the recent comment posted here. I doubt the veracity of the person’s identity, but for the sake of my amusement I’m going to take it at face value.
Hi [anonymous blog writer].
I was one of the original cast members on the show Pregnant and Dating and I felt the need to write you as all of your assumptions are incorrect.
Well I’m honored you took the time to come onto this humble blog and try to set us straight.
None of us women wanted to be pregnant and single.
I never want women to make poor life decisions as well, but it seems to be the norm in western culture today. On the other hand, women today have 100% control of their reproductive health outside of hard cases, so I’d say that the “pregnant” part was very much wanted.
Some of us, like myself, were in a long term committed relationship with a man who voiced he wanted children and marriage too.
Yup, having a kid (or even putting out) before you’re married seems to be a surefire way of assuring matrimony. Tell us more about how it worked for you.
I believe in the traditional family, although now fleeting, and never thought I was to be pregnant and single.
So if I’m single and have sex, I should not ever think there is a possibility for me to become pregnant while single. Again, how did that work for you?
My parents have been married for 60 years and their values of love and family are instilled in me.
Your fingers type one thing, your vaginal accessibility produces another.
However, that does not matter if the partner you choose does not understand nor has experience a strong sense of family.
I see. So your choice…you know…the “partner you choose” needs to have some background and vetting and, dare I say, be married to you before you get pregnant. I think we’re on to something here.
“Jumping ship” is easy to do these days it seems – even w baby on the way.
I think we agree on this, but I’ll further the point to include “…and the woman can deny the father visitation, is entitled to his money and can send him to jail.”
My ex decided he wanted to be taken care of rather than take care of.
Why would I want a woman around if not to take care of me? Why should I give up my freedom, peace/quiet and ability to do what I want, when I want, and how I want to take care of her? This is not to say there aren’t answers to this, but I don’t see how you provide any.
I found humor and solace in the other readers reply about naming a show “dating while my ex is expecting” – clearly that is acceptable!!
Oh wait, that’s my comment! Of course, if you actually read my comment, the show title that I propose is clearly framed as not acceptable. Are you suggesting the double standard that “your show” (the one you are actually in) is acceptable but “my show” featuring the male side of the coin is not? Or are you actually “agreeing with me” (falsely projecting my agreement) that both “your show” and “my show” are both just fine? Sarcasm doesn’t hold over the internet so well and I need clarification.
And clearly “she” dating my ex while I am expecting is acceptable too! But me dating was not!?
Back in the old days there was a thing called a Shotgun Wedding. It made for good jokes and I can’t ever say I heard any complaints about the results. Used to solve these kinds of problems.
This show isn’t about feminist women not needing men, but about women making the most of an unpredicted situation.
I had sex with a man and now I’m pregnant. This is unpredicted! I’m shocked!
Dating while pregnant was a way to take back my power, beauty and dignity.
So being pregnant made you powerless, ugly and wretched? And seeing other men gives you that back? I’m glad you have it down that men have the power to decide what is beauty and dignity, but the “power” you reclaimed cannot be anywhere near the “power” you had to command before the pregnancy. How desperate must a man be to choose a pregnant woman? Anyone with options to get younger, non-pregnant women would be a fool not to.
It was coffee or a lunch – not a relationship. And so what if it was.
And so what if it wasn’t? What are we talking about again?
Why lay down for 9 mos for a man who decided you and his baby were no longer a priority?
Not really sure what you mean by “lay down”. Do you mean, “go about normal existence” or “lay down on other men”?
Double standards and stigmas are for the depression.
I don’t see how a double standard is possible because…you know…men can’t get pregnant. As for stigmas, you mean the stigma of being fucked? Cause that’s what you are. Literally. I wouldn’t be using the language if it weren’t objectively and clinically true.
I am about empowering women and letting them know that you can be beautiful and strong even during the most challenging of times.
I am about empowering men and letting them know that you can be happy and fulfilled without chaining up to someone who already is carrying another man’s spawn. We seem to be in the same business but the only difference is that women in the west created our problems and your problems are ones that you conceived (see what I did there?).
Would I have rather been in a traditional family and made it work with the Father – absolutely.
To bad you didn’t take proper steps towards that end.
Did I need to hide my face, get fat and lonely during, what’s supposed to be, the happiest time of my life? – absolutely not.
Sure. But does that mean we blind date men only to broadside them with your past (and present and future?). Really, I can’t blame you for doing what you do, I just shake my head about how it is a) accepted by desperate/thirsty men and b) pedestalized by the entertainment industry. Also, since when did pregnancy become the happiest time in a woman’s life? You won’t be happier at any time after? I knew a young woman who couldn’t stomach anything but pears during her pregnancy. Everything else lead to extreme nausea. I can guarantee you that pregnancy was not the happiest time of her life.
I hope I encouraged women out there who are struggling with the same challenges I did.
You might see it like that, but I see it as marginalizing the consequences of your actions. As a woman, your commitment and fertility are two of the primary attractions to long-term minded men that you can bring. Having a child compromises your image and your ability to deliver on this. Having it showcased that “it’s all fine if you get pregnant, there will still be men out there for you” might not just encourage those who are pregnant, but those who are not yet. Nowhere in that show did I see any warning to young girls such as “Oh gee, I wouldn’t have had this kind of trouble if I wasn’t pregnant,” or “I wish I hadn’t spread my legs so easily.”
Oh – and lastly, I was not upset that a man did not want to date me while pregnant, as you so above depicted. I had the courage and the strength while pregnant to ask Beau why men do what they do and not what they say they are going to do.
I forgot to ask, but I can call you Melissa, right? I’m glad you weren’t upset since that line of reasoning makes all the sense in the world. Now why don’t I be strong and courageous and ask you why -western women- do what they do and not what they say they are going to do. Like breaking their marriage vows over twice as often as men for starters.
Our dating ended way before I was pregnant. I just happen to call him out during my pregnancy when it no longer mattered.
I must not be reading this right, because if I am, then you put out for him without being dated and allowed the contributing factors for your pregnancy.
What matter’s is making lemonade out of lemons for my son who won’t ever understand why his dad chose not to be active in his life. That burden is on me.
And I will agree that a heavy burden it is. Your biggest competition for the quality available males are the other women who chose not to be pregnant. You’ve either got to find yourself a fool (admittedly not hard in ‘Merica) or encourage the rest of the world that being pregnant is OK for dating, something you are working on.
I am beyond sad that my son won’t have what I had growing up w two parents, but I will teach my son the values of family and commitment.
While I wish you the best of luck, it must be awful to know that statistically he is more likely than you to fall off the bandwagon. I can only hope that the rest of the women in society can learn from your example and start cleaning up their act.
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As for everyone else reading this site, I want to inform you that Melissa’s problems are for her. Whether she “man’s up” to them or not doesn’t matter; she made them herself. For those who still have a choice, think long and hard before making it. Getting married/pregnant is a life altering decision and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Make the wrong decisions and the best you can hope for is to be on some shoddy reality TV show. Of course, some of them aren’t so bad, but most cases do not have happy endings, even if the one that The Media is feeding you does.
And me, I’ll just be over here learning Russian.