I had a Skype discussion with one of the tour hosts last night. We talked to make sure that I’m not freaking out (I’m not) and to make sure that I had everything ready to go. I did mention that my clothes were…not new, that I had purchased everything over 5 years ago and that it was time for a wardrobe update. It’s been common for men going on the tours to have their personal assistant/translators take them shopping, so I requested that my translator be aware that I will want to do shopping before meeting ladies. The host bit her lip and considered for a second before telling me that she did not trust the fashion sense of her translators and that she’d rather do it with me. From what I’ve gathered her shopping is like a special forces team clearing a building. Get that, I don’t like that, that’s too expensive, bring that. Half an hour tops of me running around trying to keep up with a short woman in high heels. I look forward to it.
Another interesting conversation I had was with a patient. I have been informing my patients of my trip and my intentions so they don’t think I’ve moved away. This woman was about 50, was definitely showing her age, once divorced and on multiple psyche meds. She asked me if any women were going to be there. Of course women are going to be there, men wouldn’t be going if they weren’t. “No. I mean are there any women going overseas to find husbands on this trip.” My reply was that there is a shortage of Ukrainian men wanting to get married, so it wouldn’t make sense for women to go there. “Then where do women who want a husband go.” I let her know that they go to the westernized countries, America, England, Australia, Canada, even South Africa.
There was a noticeable deflation in her posture at this point, as it probably penetrated her skull that she had been living amongst the highest concentration of marriage-minded men in the world. I tried to soften the blow saying that women here in America want to wait to get married until their thirties. She overzealously agreed and stated that it was a very good thing. I pointed out that it was not, that most men want to be married between 18 and 28, because by the time women want marriage these days, men have checked out. After all, if they don’t want to marry us on the ground floor while they are young and have their beauty/fertility, why would men be interested now that they’ve hit “The Wall” and men have been promoted and have money to enjoy that they worked for so many years alone.
What probably amuses me most is the assumption that there is a country(s?) full of single handsome, rich, popular and pious (or at least monogamous) men waiting for women like her to fly in and marry them. Because let’s face it, that’s what it would take for women to be doing that. It’d have to be an island of millionaire movie-star Billy Grahams. Even if there was such a place, why would those men be waiting around for Western Women to find them? They’d be flying to SE Asia, EE, etc. just like the Western men. Furthermore, the idea of a woman setting out to another country to find a spouse is just…masculine. Women don’t go on quests like that. I guess it goes to show how masculine women in western society have become.
One last conversation was with an old couple discussing my trip. They’re from marriage 1.0 and over 80 years old, fit and mobile and clear of mind, the kind of relationship everyone wants to be in when they reach that age. They even have cute names that go together like (not actually) Marty and Martha. “Martha” was telling me about how she approached her initial relationship with “Marty”.
“He moved into town and right after that I grabbed his arm like this and never let it go.”
She curled up into him put her near hand into his and her far hand on his arm in a firm grip, looked at me and smiled. Marty was smiling too. I let them know that what I was looking for in Ukraine was exactly that.
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