Follow the Man

Since I Got Back: Summary
I love (and hate) dating Russian men

My eyes are down here

Been away for a few weeks & a bit surprised to see all that I’ve missed. Just catching up on Seth’s posts now – seems like he’s made some good progress.

First off – I got married last weekend. So now I’m experiencing the life of a married man LOL. Best thing is that I finally have some honeymoon vacation time: some time to rest, read a little and to do some creative writing.

In the past 3 or 4 years, a lot of friends and colleagues ask me (a lot) about the differences between Eastern and Western Women. And really, unless you’ve had a relationship with an Eastern European Woman, no matter how much telling you get, you’ll never really understand. The biggest difference, if I had to name just one, is that Russian Women expect to be Women and expect Men to act like Men. If you’re a Western Man, you might think that you act like a Man, but chances are, you’re more of a “Western Gentleman.” And this doesn’t really work well with Eastern European Women. Trust me fellas, you think you’re being a “nice guy” and in reality, most women don’t respect it.

I found an article on one of the Russian forums – I’ve been looking for it again and I seem to have misplaced it. As soon as I find it, I’ll put it up. It is written by a Russian-American Woman who is explaining the differences between the Male-Female relationships in America and in Russia. She really nails it on the head.

In the meantime, I saw the profile of a Russian Woman, Krishka. She says what she’s looking for in a Man. Now, if you find this a little different than what you’re used to in dating Western women, then go back up and read the 3rd paragraph of this article. She says:

I’m looking for an intelligent and confident, kind and friendly, loving and caring man with whom I’ll have a plenty of chemistry. The man must be the head of the family. So he should be older and more mature. And the woman’s duty is to respect his opinion even if it differs. I would love to meet a man who is caring, optimistic, patient, honest as I am. All I wish is to be happy and to share this miraculous feeling with my man. It sounds simple, but the greatest things are usually very simple. Do you agree? [emphasis added]

WWS recommended site: Russian Cupid Russian Cupid

Sometimes, even when I’m wrong, Alana takes my side. Later, I say, “I was wrong about this or that,” and she says, “I know (knew).” But, she always takes my side. I think of so many American Men I know, we’re at dinner and they say that this or that happened 3 years ago and their wife corrects them, “No Dear, it was 2 years ago.” Alana has commented to me that she was mortified when she first heard this, “Why don’t American women support their Men?” I guess this is a big difference: Feminism teaches independence. Patriarchal Russia teaches interdependence. A Man should always take his Woman’s side and she should do the same. Really, the idea of family (couples) in Russia is a united front whereas in America, its two individuals competing for control of the relationship.

At first, the difference seems subtle but it really is a huge difference.

Don’t think that it is all cake and champagne though; having a Woman who acts like a Woman means that you must step up to the plate and act like a traditional man. This encompasses being a Gentleman and being confident, a family leader and you will be expected to take care of your Woman in all ways.  And don’t think that this task is too easy.  Russian Women like to look nice. In contrast to American women in their baggy sweat pants and sweaters, a Russian Woman will go to the 9’s to dress in beautiful dresses, high heels and will have nice nails, hair and other things that you probably never thought about. Trips to the cosmetologist, the nail salon and the mall for new clothes is par for the course. If you want your Woman to look nice, you’ll be expected to take care of her (financially). I’m not talking unreasonable expenses but I’m saying that it is something that you’ll be expected to cover if you’re the Man of the house.

The one truth that stands out more than any other is that again and again, as I meet Western Men who have married East, they all say that they will never go back (to Western Women). I’ve heard this again and again, “Even if in 10 years I get divorced, I would only look again in Eastern Europe.” Interestingly, the divorce rate is lower for Western Men who marry Eastern European Women than if they marry a woman from their own country. As I know Alana more and more I understand why: Eastern European Women expect that marriage will be for life. Most Western women have the attitude that if it doesn’t go well, she will clean up in divorce court and find a new man. Just having the attitude that its “do or die,” “all or nothing” has a huge impact on the chances for success in marriage. Eastern European Women think like this whereas Western women don’t.

WWS recommended site: Elenas Models Elena's Models


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Since I Got Back: Summary
I love (and hate) dating Russian men

9 thoughts on “Follow the Man

  1. Welcome back buddy.. Congrats on the marriage. I’ve missed your insight and perspective. After a long break, I’m heading back to Kiev at the end of the month..

  2. Different cultures, different languages. What are the ladies saying when they write ”family oriented”? Are they saying their intent is Marriage or ”marry me – I want to be a mother”?

    • Their intent is marriage and they want to be a mother.

      Let me translate:

      American woman: Family oriented = My ovaries are burning and I can’t afford children on my own. Looking for soft, weak, gullible man with strong paycheck. Length of marriage completely dependent on strength of your paycheck and/or if I meet another Man that I like better or who earns more than you.

      Eastern European Woman: Family oriented = My Grandmother and Mother keep nagging me that they want grand-children. But I’m also looking for love and a LIFELONG marriage. I’ll be happy to find a Man who will marry me and who wants a family. I expectthat we will be married for life.

      • I’m going to second everything Scott wrote in his post and his comment.

        I’ll just add here that Eastern women start being pressured about marriage about age 15, start thinking about marriage at age 16-18, and becomes serious (or more serious) about age 20.

        Compare to the average Western woman, who starts being pressured for marriage (socially) about 18, starts thinking about 22-24 (after graduating college), and becomes serious about age 26-35.

        Going from your formative years deciding you want to be a wife and mother, instead of deciding mid-early life that you want to radically change gears gives Eastern women a much better mental bearing on what the responsibilities and rewards of family are.

  3. It was good seeing you and your wife (then fiance) earlier this year. Really had a great time catching up & hope we can do it again in the future. I’ve been enjoying reading your writing and I would love to take you up on your offer to write some guest spots. I think that my experience might show through for some of the other dudes.
    Take care,

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