I received an email from one of my (female) readers and she asked that I forward her email to Alana. She had some questions about Russian Women and about their perceptions of American and Russian Men. I’ll let her answer – and Alana’s reply – speak for themselves:
I appreciate that you are curious enough about the World to write and send your questions.
Here are my answers. I have to admit, that the follows are just my personal thoughts, so I can`t tell you that all other women in Eastern Europe has the same opinion – because people are different and no matter in which county they live.
In Eastern Europe, so many women are beautiful like the celebrities here, how does this translate over into professional fields?
I very much want to be a science major, but I feel like the feminism in the U.S. here is almost a punishment for any woman who is or wants to be more like eastern European women.
I have an older friend, who like me is pretty and feminine; she has graduated and is biochemist. Her own co-workers have said that she is not taken seriously because she is attractive, and thus she must have slept her way to the top.
Does this happen in Russia? Are pretty and successful women punished for doing well and look good while they do?
My little bit ofimpolite answer is – who cares?
My IQ is close to 180. Does it mean that I should show it to everybody and try to prove every minute that I am not only pretty, but smart and clever? I don`t think so.
When I was young I realized that if you are: rich, strange, famous, too ugly, too pretty, too… in any other way, people will always talk about you. Look at the celebrities’ lives.
– “She is in a good body shape and has three children. – Oh, it might be liposuction; it couldn`t be natural”.
– “He became rich and successful before he turned 30. – Oh, it`s only because his father helped him.”
– “I don`t think that she is pretty, but she is a supermodel and made billions of dollars per year. – Oh, it`s obvious that she made her career through her bed…
My point is that even if you are unusual (not average), people will talk about you. And most of them will be a little jealous of you. But does it really matter? My own experience shows that if you are really good in your occupation, if you are really clever, it doesn`t matter how you look – people will take you like a professional. And if they don`t do it (and I don`t want to be rude) – it means that you are not as good like you think you are. Almost every day I have negotiations, with Russians and with foreigners. Do I use my charm? Yes. It is easier to communicate with people when you are nice with them and when they get an enjoyment from looking at you. But that`s all. For almost 10 years of being in business, I`ve never heard something unpleasant from my clients, nobody was disrespectful or refused to have deals with me only because I am “too pretty.” It`s not enough to be pretty for playing in a Premier League, you should be really, really good in what you do. And if you are good, people will take you seriously and will turn to green with envy, because you are not only pretty, you are also “something” in your profession or in life.
But if you are not good in your occupation, I think it`s better to realize it and don`t explain everything in the way like – “they don`t take pretty women seriously”, because it`s not true, from my point of view.
- Do Russian men have similar mentalities to Russian women, or is it similar to the US where the culture has been your local men less desirable than a foreign man?
I am not sure that it`s true for Russian women and for Ukrainian women. Most of them as far as I know don`t have a desire to emigrate, , they would prefer to stay in their own country, so when they are thinking about dating, first of all they think about dating with Russian men.
- To expand on that, I mean more along the lines that marriage while it is a partnership, each spouse has a roll to fill, they are not exactly the same?
Well, as for the partnership… From my point of view this is the biggest illusion which people have. And I am not talking only about marriage.
I am completely sure that it`s impossible to have a partnership which will work exactly 50%/50%. It`s just impossible. Take a look around. The famous and successful pop-groups break only because participants start to think they dance/sing/play… better than others. Huge corporations have been split only because the partners/owners thought that they work harder than other partners. This is human`s nature – to think that they are faster/better/more clever/work harder…
That way, not everybody is a billionaire or a diplomat, for example. Because real life requires to be flexible. And most people just don`t want to realize it.
I have 2 partners in my own company: a man and a woman. And many years ago I refused to appreciate their roles in our common success and profit in the categories of time (which they spend in the office or with clients), or clients (how many do they bring per a month), or even money (how much they put in the common income this month or this year). Because there are so many things you can`t calculate, or there is no accurate measurement system for their contribution. I get used the idea that our firm is a boat, it`s a big ocean liner, and because of the fact that we are don’t fail in bankruptcy and every year is more profitable then a previous one, the crew works just fine.
One more story from business. Like you probably know, Deutche Bank is one of the biggest banks in Europe. I can`t guarantee that the system I am going to describe still works, but 10 years ago they had a very interesting system of payments. The president of the Bank and all the employees had their salaries, the owners had their benefits and shared the profit, but there existed a little “secret” department inside of the bank, where there worked only 8-9 people. They didn`t have the official names on their business cards and never showed up in the office every each day; they didn`t come to the office at all. Their life was like a movie vacation all year. But when the Bank had some kind of problems that the top managers couldn`t solve, the President of the Bank called one of those 8-9 people. And regularly, they fixed the problem. They worked like a “fire brigade”. And what`s interesting – they got a monthly income, and it was approximately 4 times more than the monthly income of the President of the Bank. Was the President or the shareholders of the Bank idiots that they paid so big money to the guys they probably could don`t use for the whole year or a few years? No, they were smart. They didn`t try to measure them in a primitive system of measurement.
The same with marriage – you can`t be better. Or faster. Or more clever… The day when you start to think this way will be they day of the end of your marriage. So you simply give your 100% and hope that your spouse will reply. And look at the perspective – if you have more happy days then unhappy days, your marriage works out.
- How do Russian men treat their wives/girlfriends? The biggest problem I have with American men at this point, is they are very weak minded. They are quick to neglect their women, and quick the cheat on them as well. Is this as big a problem with Russian men?
Russian men are different. Some of them are weak, some of them aren`t. But I didn`t notice that American men are weak. Some of them are very strong, they look and act like proper men. Unfortunately what most women don`t realize that it`s not easy to live with a man like them. Because proper men still have “an illusion” that women and men are different, that there are different roles in the family life and that marriage is not a competition. So women have 2 choices when they meet a man like them/an old style educated conservative strong man:
– women can start to fight with him, to argue with him about everything, to try to prove that they are equal; in that case a man will become weak (because he will be tiered from fights) and prefers not to do anything, to have an easy, lazy life (because what is the reason to hunt and to kill a dinosaur if his woman can`t appreciate it) or… to go away, to try to live with a different woman who probably will appreciate him more or just live alone;
– women can try to live with him and let him to be strong.
My opinion isthat all over the world people are looking for the same things: love, happiness and harmony. And all over the world men are similar, they are much easier than women with their desires and at the same time they are more deep and complicated.
My husband is American and I see the differences between him and Russian men. First of all, he is strong and self-confident and at the same time he is ready to move towards me or move together with me. It`s a very rare quality for most Russian men.
As a short resume – I never could understand why women try to compete with men or refuse to be beautiful. Beauty is a power; it gives one more preference in life. If you are pretty – you are already special, use it in a clever way and it makes life so much easier and happier.
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